Friday, September 20, 2013


Where to start.

Do you remember when you were little and you were CONVINCED that there were monsters under your bed. You grew older and wiser, and while you KNEW there were no creatures, you still got nervous. I think a lot of people have irrational fears (and if they don't, tell me they do and LIE to me.)

I have a few fears. Some of them more embarrassing than others. My first fear is of a vicious blood thirsty creature.

I honestly have no freaking idea why and realize I'm ridiculous. Once while walking around Penn State a squirrel stole my ice cream cone (mind you I was 24.) Ever since then they scare the shit out of me.

However, I can deal with squirrels. I know they are small and can't kill me. Unless they have rabies and they bite me and...ugh, I'll stop there.

Enter new fear that I just found out about. I honestly have no idea why in the hell, but THIS one at least could really hurt or kill me.

Vicious Moose!

1. Never trust an animal that's plural is the same as its singular.
2. They are a size of a horse!! Like freaking huge and can go cray-cray (that's middle school for crazy, I know cool kid lingo) when you are in their area.

Bullwinkle gave me a false sense of security when I was little. Seriously, he was out solving crimes and saving the world with Rocky.

Then I grow up and find out that Moose (you have no idea if I'm talking about one or a hundred do you-weird) attack people! More than bears in Alaska. 

Okay, I get it, not a huge deal right? WRONG. In walking our property I "thought" we had horse trails going through it. HUGE trails that are there from years of use. Are they from horses? NO. They are from Moose! We have moose trails in our yard! 

3. This was the title of the newspaper article in the Huffington Post 

Moose Attacks In Alaska Prompt Officials To Urge Caution: 'Assume Every Moose Is A Serial Killer'

Which means my friends, that I am living among serial killers! Great. I expect I'll be working in my garden and get stomped to death by a moose...I have had proper training thanks to Denali on being stomped to almost death. Maybe she was psychic and knew we were moving to Alaska and wanted to help condition me? I do get worried that one will try to off me while I'm holding Bug. In that case I am 99% sure I'd lose my shit and tear the moose limb from limb (hopefully.) 

Seriously. Fricking Scary. (Video Disclaimer: I don't get the "heaven or hell thing" I didn't know that moose were associated with both. Who knew. See this blog is teaching you things. Tell your friends.) 

Okay, the point of this post. I went for my first non-Bug accompanied drive tonight to just get out. What do I see on the side of the road? MOOSE (just one, since you can't tell, stupid English language...) I decided to stop and look at it to try to get over my fear. I laughed because she reminded me of my horse that I sold with her massive ears. I liked her because she didn't try to kill me and she was content eating the tree. I did warn her it's hunting season, and I promised to not disclose her location to my husband as long as she could put in a good word with all the mooses that I'm a good person, don't attack me, my husband or my kid. I think we had a mutual understanding. I named her Martha. 

Do you have any ridiculous fears? I have a few but no need to embarrass myself further. 


  1. I have a friend who hit a moose with her car. The car was TOTALED and she spent a long time in the hospital. The moose walked away.

    Thus, I do not trust them.

    Squirrels are the devil's spawn, I will totally agree with you there. I HATE them.

  2. Moose are scary. I'd probably carry a gun if I lived in a place with moose.

    I work in the ER of a large veterinary specialty hospital. A couple of months ago we had a dog that had been attacked by a doe. Yes, a FEMALE deer. The dog had been trampled and cut up by her hooves. The same doe put the dog's owner in the hospital. They had just been walking along minding their own business when it happened. We figured she had to have had a fawn nearby that she was protecting. But still! Jeez.

    Squirrels are rodents, and so many people are afraid of rodents that I don't think it's an odd fear. :) My husband and I secretly like them because we come from a place where there are NO squirrels: Puerto Rico. No squirrels on the island. You may find mongoose there, however. Go figure.

  3. This is a great post, total LOL. I hate squirrels time while walking my dog a squirrel ran into me. He panicked when he saw us and just ran SMACK into my ankle. Guess what? Squirrels are really dirty, he left a nasty black dirt mark on my sock from him furry little body whacking into me.

  4. Oh, totally agree. Moose are scary. I have relatives in Alaska who have little kids. When they go for a walk, mom carries a gun and one time they still got chased home by a moose.

    Maybe you need a gun.