Wednesday, January 1, 2014

New Years Resolutions - The Underwear Debacle

When I started this blog I handed the title out to EVERY.HUMAN.BEING.I.KNOW. Seriously. I think I'm making up for super secret blog (which now people know exist, so "semi-secret blog.") It's a fun way for grandparents to see the Bug and to question their son's choice in a wife. My own parents probably wonder JUST HOW HARD I hit my head when I fell down the stairs at the age of two. My brother just keeps praying he is adopted. It's all good.

Regardless, some of you know me in real life, AND thanks to the wonders of Facebook and my handy-dandy-Facebook page, some of you only know me in the cyber world (aka-the interwebz.) I am not that awesome. Hate to break it to you, but glad to have you!

One thing you might know about me is that I am extremely competitive. I don't know where that came from, but it definitely developed MUCH later in life...I'm thinking early 20's. Before then, I didn't really give a crap about anything. I didn't think I was good at anything, so why waste the effort trying? THEN I realized that I COULD DO STUFF. Like, if I studied in college I COULD GET GOOD GRADES. (Much to my mother's chagrin, I didn't realize that until AFTER my first year, but hey, I DID figure it out.) By Grad school, I was that obnoxious person at the professors door questioning WHY I didn't get a 4.0 (which, I almost ALWAYS got a 4.0.) That was me. ANNOYING. I know.

Sometimes things motivate me, and I push really hard. Other times things piss me off, I grab a coffee of wine and crawl on the couch to think about a come back strategy (usually the latter.)

At the start of 2012, I decided that I was fat enough and needed to lose a bazillion pounds. I was one of THOSE people who joined the gym after the New Year (go ahead, boo and hiss.) I decided to join Gold's Gym because it was close to our house. When I joined I also decided I would join in their Transformation Challenge ($50 to enter!) for a bit of motivation. When I showed up to sign in, I had to get photos taken. Like actual photos of me in my bra and underwear. I was mortified, but really didn't think much of it. The nice lady said that "if" I won, I would have to give them permission to use the photos. Okay, no problem.

So I joined a gym. What next? I also had some sessions with a personal trainer. He was 5' tall if anything and he kicked my ass on a daily basis. The more I hate something (and I don't like working out) the more sarcastic I get (if that is possible.) I was ridiculous during our hour sessions and I'm pretty sure he wanted to pierce his ears with a pencil. BUT,I lost weight, about 30 pounds. There were other girls there losing weight left and right and I didn't look "that" different. I joked the entire hour every session, about my 8X12 "bikini" photos being plastered at the gym.

The challenge ended, I weighed in and got photos taken with my same AWESOME hot pink undies. Everyone had to do it, so again. I didn't think much of it.

Another week went by, and my trainer called laughing. He told me that I won. Now, I had joked for 12 weeks that I was going to win, mostly while laying in a crumple the ground covered in sweat. About 3 weeks into it I had given up hopes of winning. I was excited.

...and then I went to the gym....

I was working out and I had a few people come up to me and tell me congratulations. "Weird," I thought, since I DID NOT give permission for my pale ass in pink undies to be displayed. DID NOT. I didn't think much of it. Maybe they just "assumed" that I won because I looked so great <Insert Sarcasm Font <---- there.>

About 20 minutes later I looked up while riding a bike and saw the picture of the guy who had won. Yep, he looked awesome. Then something drew my eyes, a gleam of pink and white......right next to this man who went from looking like a couch surfer, into a real surfer, WAS ME. I was mortified. I didn't even know what to say or do, so I did what any self-respecting gym goer does, I quit.

Well, I didn't quit right away, but I did run out of the gym faster than I've ever ran my entire life. AND, eventually I quit. Sure, I could have asked them to take it down, but that would require me acknowledging that it was in deed my photo. THAT wasn't happening. EVER.


So, as far as I know my photo spent the entire 2012 hanging up in the Gold's Gym in North Seattle.

AND That my friends is why you don't get your photo taken in your underwear.

In reality, I DO make New Years Resolutions. I try to make ones that I can keep. So, in order to keep myself honest, here they go.

1. Be the best mom to the Bug as I can.
2. "     "     "    wife  "    "   husband "  ". 
3. Stop taking short cuts (if you're laughing now, I love you.) 
4. Lose 25 pounds. Yes, yes, this is EVERY woman's resolution, but I'm going to Vegas in May people. I don't want to look like a whale. I've lost 40 since after Bug was born. I now weigh what I weighed when I got my photo taken in my undies. 
5. Be a better person. Spread random acts of kindness. 

Do you have any?


  1. Continue to love your blog and sense of humor. I hope one of your resolutions is to keep up with the blog and pics of "Bug!"

  2. You never fail to make me laugh, Brooke! I can't wait to see all the things you're going to share with us in this new year. My new year's resolution is to stop letting myself get so overwhelmed with life and to finally get back to being the organized person I used to be. These resolutions should probably work until January 15 before I give up!

  3. I may not comment always but you crack me up! Just resolve to keep being your lovable self for 2014. Please? Pretty Please?